I was enveloped in a container of spiritual lessons.
Conceived during the Gulf War in Saudi Arabia in 1991, and born in the Airforce Base of Virginia, my early life was marked by the complexities of rigid military family dynamics.
My parents’ divorce when I was just seven years old thrust me into a new harsh reality.
Growing up in Italy, and without my father, I felt the weight of a strict and emotionally unavailable mother, and I quickly learned to navigate the world alone, grappling with a profound sense of emptiness and disconnection. The taboo surrounding womanhood and pleasure loomed large in my lineage, creating an internal battleground within me.
Conversations about periods were hushed, and when they arrived, they were seen as a curse. Sexuality was shrouded in shame, viewed as a path to unintended motherhood, a punishment rather than a celebration of life. My body felt like a battleground—imperfect and constantly scrutinized, adhering to impossible societal standards.
The messages I absorbed about pleasure suggested that it must always come after hard work, and men were often portrayed as having mischievous intentions.
These deep-seated beliefs, coupled with an intense sexual drive from a young age, led me to manifest patterns of self-hatred and disassociation from my own body.
I made choices in intimate relationships that were misaligned with my true self, engaging in self-harm and grappling with emotional, psychological, and physical illness.
My teenage years, which should have been filled with carefree joy, were instead clouded by hopelessness.
I had never experienced an orgasm until the age of 21, using a synthetic rabbit vibrator that felt more like a desperate attempt than an act of pleasure. I battled recurrent yeast infections, PCOS, Endometriosis, HPV, and debilitating period pains that left me doubled over in agony.
My past is filled with countless stories of struggle and survival, each one shaping the woman I am today.
