I remember being in my twenties and having a friend confide in me with her voice trembling with shame... that her vagina simply wouldn’t open up to someone she deeply cared about.
She felt regret. Guilt. Like her body was betraying her.
At the time, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t understand what it meant, and I carried that silence with me for years.
Now I know she wasn’t alone.
What she was experiencing has a name: vaginismus.
And it’s far more common than we think, quietly affecting so many women who walk through life feeling shrouded in shame, shadow, and silence.
This blog is for her, and for every woman whose body has ever said “no” when her heart said “yes.”
It’s hard to know exactly how many women experience vaginismus, because like most reproductive conditions, it lives in the shadows being underdiagnosed, underreported, and often misunderstood even by medical professionals.
It remains shrouded in fear, shame, lack of education, and judgment.
And for many women, it becomes an invisible burden that touches every aspect of life: intimacy, identity, self-esteem and even basic gynecological care.
What Is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition where the vaginal muscles involuntarily tighten or spasm when something tries to enter the vagina, whether that’s a finger, tampon, yoni wand, or penis.
It is not a choice. It is not “in your head.”
Even when the mind says yes, the body says no and clamps up, withdrawing consent through pure instinct.
There may be a burning, a tightness, a sensation of hitting a wall.
Even the thought of penetration can cause freezing, hypervigilance, or dissociation.
This is not a failure of your body this is your body protecting you, wisely, fiercely, and sometimes desperately.
Vaginismus Is a Reflex, Not a Dysfunction
The root of vaginismus is often holistic and multifactorial.
It is a protective reflex, a defense mechanism stored deep in the tissues of the pelvic bowl.
The body has likely received a rupture, an invasion, or many moments of disrespect. Whether through medical trauma, sexual trauma, birth trauma, cultural conditioning, or inherited silence around our bodies and our pleasure.
What happens next is that the levator ani, a group of muscles made up of the pubococcygeus, iliococcygeus, and puborectalis, begins to contract involuntarily.
It becomes a chronic, unconscious pattern of guarding, holding, resisting.
And like all patterns, with awareness, time, and care, it can be rewoven.
Healing Is Possible, And It Begins in Safety
I want you to know this:
Vaginismus is treatable.
It is curable.
And healing from it can be one of the most empowering, life-giving journeys a woman can take.
As a pelvic bodyworker offering Womb Continuum Care sessions in Barcelona, I have worked with many women navigating the layers of vaginismus, each one with her own unique story, textures, and truths.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Maria’s body carries a different memory than Karen’s.
So our healing must be bio-individual, trauma-informed, and deeply attuned.
3 Ways to Begin Soothing Vaginismus at Home
Here are three practices I often suggest to my clients that can be done slowly, gently, and with devotion:
1. Breathing into Your Roots
Your breath is your first healer.
It should not get stuck in your chest or belly.
It should reach all the way down into your womb, your cervix, your vulva, your anus — into the sacred roots of you.
Try pelvic box breathing:
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Inhale for 5
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Hold for 5
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Exhale for 5
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Repeat for 5 minutes a day, directing the breath downward
This kind of breathing massages the pelvic diaphragm, increases circulation, and begins to create a relationship of trust between your nervous system and your pelvis.
2. Intravaginal Castor Oil Softening
Castor oil is one of the most ancient and effective ways to soften tissue, reduce inflammation, and bring flow to congested or guarded areas.
Using a syringe, clean finger, or wand, apply organic castor oil (I recommend "Queen of the Thrones") directly inside the vagina.
Massage the tissue gently. Breathe. Wait for the softening.
Let the tissue speak to you.
You are not called to force or push more. Rather inviting, listening and holding space for the body to unwind layer by layer.
3. Yoni Wand De-armouring (When Ready)
Once the tissue has been softened and begins to trust again, you may explore yoni de-armouring using a wand.
These tools are designed to awaken, release, and re-sensitize areas of numbness, tightness, or trauma in the vaginal canal.
I’ve curated a selection of yoni de-armouring tools that I trust, which can be paired with your breath, castor oil, and presence for a truly empowering self-healing ritual.
And remember: a wand is not something to use on yourself, it is a tool to use with yourself. The difference is everything.
It’s Not Just Physical, It’s Also Emotional
Vaginismus is also about the nervous system, the unspoken stories, the shame, fear, and control.
This is why I always recommend working with a practitioner who is skilled in somatic release, trauma-informed care, and nervous system regulation.
In Closing: Your Body Is Not Broken
Your body is not broken.
She is wise.
She is protecting you.
And when given the right tools, the right presence, and the right consensual care, she will unfold, she will open, and she will reclaim her pleasure.
If you’re ready to go deeper in your healing journey, I offer in-person Womb Continuum Care sessions in Barcelona, where we work with touch, breath, fascia, story, and sacred presence.
You can explore more about my sessions here.
And if you’re not ready yet — just breathe. Place your hands over your womb. Tell her you’re listening now. That’s already everything.
With love,
Jasmine